Help

{Photo 305/365}  I’m always willing to help, really I am.  BUT, most of the time — I have NOT-a-clue what to do.  Math is different than it was for me when I was growing up.  Seriously, what he’s working on in 6th grade I remember doing in high school.  Science?  That I want to block out of my head completely…didn’t like that subject.  Spelling?  Did I say that spell check just might BE the best invention ever? and dictionary.com is my favorite website on the internet?  Homework…it’s the last thing I want to do.  If I could release myself of this one duty as a parent, I would.  They struggle and I struggle too.  God help us.

Lemonade Stand

{Photo 227/365} Today we were driving down the road and we saw these two little girls at the corner of a busy intersection selling lemonade and cookies.  We stopped.  I’m glad we did.  I gave the boys a few dollars — they chatted with the girls while they ate and drank, asking a whole bunch of questions, like how many people have stopped?  how much money did you make?  It’s the little things that we take time to do that brighten the days of others.  The boys were excited to support their “little business” and the girls were thrilled to have customers.  I love to help and encourage others.  So sweet.  ”Act as if what you do makes a difference.  It does.” – William James

Do you give "The Look"?

images-5Child abuse or should I say the prevention of -is a passion of mine. Picture this. You are at the grocery store, target, mall- some public place… when a child is acting out. You can see the anxiety of that parent rising. They may lash out at their child who is misbehaving, and maybe even in a way that concerns you. If you have ever been in that situation, what was your response? Was it to stare, or maybe even give the ‘look?’ May I make a suggestion? Any of us who are parents should be able to relate to that situation. How many times have I been standing in line at Target when one of my kids throws a tantrum because I am NOT going to buy them that fancy container of liquid sugar in the check out isle? They put it there for a reason people! For parents who decide to give in to their tantruming kids just to get the onlookers off their backs! (I’m guilty!)

Think about what might have helped you in that situation. A smile? Laughter? Recognition from someone that they have ‘been there’? In some circumstances, when you may be really concerned about the escalation of that parent’s behavior, and maybe even concerned for the safety of that child, what would you do? One recommendation may be to offer a distraction to take that parent out of the heated situation. Kindly interrupt and ask for directions. Compliment them on their clothing, hairstyle, whatever…. ask if they have seen a product. You get the idea. Something completely unrelated to the event, but because you are creating that interruption, it is giving both child and parent time to cool down.

On the other hand, if you are witnessing a violent act against a child, you have the responsibility to alert authorities. Children count on ‘the village’, and if the village fails them when warning signs are there, what is left? Unfortunately we live in a world where there is stress beyond measure. Many of us are feeling the pressures of our finances. For others it might be health issues, or lack of insurance, or a loved one who is deployed. We all have our triggers. I just ask that you, as a concerned citizen, take the responsibility to be the eyes and ears for our children. It really does take a village.

www.preventchildabuse.org
What You Can Do: Reach Out PINWHEELS FOR PREVENTION ™ CAMPAIGN

Anything you do to support kids and parents can help reduce the stress that often leads to abuse and neglect.

Be a friend to a parent you know. Ask how their children are doing. Draw on your own experiences to provide reassurance and support. If a parent seems to be struggling, offer to baby-sit or run errands, or just lend a friendly ear. Show you understand.

Be a friend to a child you know. Remember their names. Smile when you talk with them. Ask them about their day at school. Send them a card in the mail. Show you care.

Talk to your neighbors about looking out for one another’s children. Encourage a supportive spirit among parents in your apartment building or on your block. Show that you are involved.

Give your used clothing, furniture and toys for use by another family. This can help relieve the stress of financial burdens that parents sometimes take out on their kids.

Volunteer your time and money for programs in your community that support children and families, like parent support groups or day care centers.

Answered Phone Call

dfp_500telephoneI have to share with you my friend’s story……
(for privacy purposes, I’m using fictitious names – thanks for understanding)

On Sunday my friend, Kelly was in her husband’s office at the church that he pastors.  She stopped in briefly to talk with him and the phone rang.  Understand, it was Sunday morning, offices were closed and she typically doesn’t answer the phone at the church office, but she did.  There was a female voice on the other end asking if there was any way she could get picked up to attend their church service that morning.  Kelly asked a few questions, what’s your name? where are you?  The caller answered, “My name is Heather, I’m at a woman’s shelter a few miles away, I just got out of the hospital last night, I’m here because of a domestic abuse situation and I’d really like to attend your church.  If it’s not too much to ask I really would like a ride.”  Kelly talked with her a little longer and got off the phone.  Heather told her that she would be waiting on the corner outside for her to pick her up.

This was an odd phone call.  When Kelly answered the phone she assumed that someone was calling who needed to know the times of the services or maybe someone needed directions – who would’ve thought there would be a call this early in the morning from a random person with such a need? AND What were the chances that Kelly just happened to be in the church office to pick up the phone?  THIS was a GOD thing!  How cool was that!

Ok, so Kelly made a phone call to the woman’s shelter to ensure that the call was legit, did some due diligence and off she went to pick up Heather; she took along a guy from the church to ride in the car with her for safety reasons.

During the drive to church Kelly and Heather got to know each other.  Heather shared with her the situation she was in and how she had broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder and had been beaten by her boyfriend.  She explained that she almost died and could not go back to the home where she was living and that she needed to get far away from there so her boyfriend would not find her.  She had NOTHING just the clothes on her back and a small suitcase.  She was in a lot of pain.  Defeated. No money.  No strength.

With the help of Kelly’s church they were able to help Heather purchase a bus ticket to make the journey to another women’s shelter that would get her closer to her family.  She was very grateful for the help.

One question that Kelly asked Heather was, “What prompted you to call our church? Did you find us in the yellow pages? or what?”  Heather responded, “While I was in the hospital last night, the nurse that cared for me suggested that I call your church, she gave me your phone number and said that your church would be compassionate and loving. So I called.  That’s how I found you.”

As Kelly and Heather’s encounter was coming to an end, Heather was dropped off at the shelter to get a taxi to take her to the bus station. Kelly asked her one last question.  She said, “Heather, do you have a relationship with God?  What keeps you going.”  To Kelly’s surprise she responded, “My father is a baptist minister.  Several years ago he told me that I could NOT be a part of HIS family UNLESS I got my tattoo removed, I stopped smoking, and I stopped living my life the way I had been living it.  He has put conditions upon me to be accepted.  I’ve done so many terrible things that God could NEVER forgive me.  I am unlovable – God would not want me.”

Through both of their tears Kelly shared with Heather that she IS worthy of God’s unconditional love no matter what she had done in the past and that what she was believing were lies.  God loves you – JUST AS YOU ARE – He created you, chose YOU! Kelly was able to give her some materials to read to help her understand God’s love and forgiveness and then Heather was gone.

I was touched by this story and I have to tell you why;  this is SO Keeping it Personal – I LOVE IT!!  You see it’s the little things that we do that make the most impact AND it’s those very simple things that we do or say that we may NEVER know the impact it has on another life.

The nurse who referred Heather to Kelly’s church DID NOT let the lingering thought pass through her mind – she took ACTION!  She shared with Heather, she encouraged her, THAT IS Keeping it Personal.

Kelly, picked up the phone, LISTENED, asked questions, gathered information, DID NOT pass judgement and that impacted Heather’s life.

The nurse AND Kelly may never know how what they did or what they said impacted Heather’s life, but they took action and it is so GREAT!!  Priceless.

I am inspired by this story.  I was grateful that Kelly shared it with me.  I hope that it inspires you to take action on those little thoughts no matter what the outcome might be.

post signature

Share/Bookmark

You Can't Have it Both Ways

images-2I had a great birthday weekend.  What made it so special was connecting with people I LOVE!  On Saturday my husband treated me and two of my friends to a spa day…..it was just what we needed; ALL of us!  We had facials, massages, relaxed in the hot tub and enjoyed the steam room.  To wrap up our day we ate at a fantastic Mexican restaurant inhaling chips and salsa and fresh made guacamole – YUM, my favorite!!

Of course while we were together we talked NON-STOP, like girls do!  There was one conversation in particular that we had that stuck out to me.  We were reflecting upon some of our past experiences, many of which were new stories – I so enjoy learning new things about my friends!

As we were sharing and laughing about life and some of our experiences one of my friends said this, “I wouldn’t choose my difficult and painful experiences, and they were hard to go through but the growth I gained from them changed me into a more compassionate and sensitive person. Those changes wouldn’t have happened without the experiences. So you can’t have it both ways.”

I really like how she stated that.  So often when I’m connecting with people I hear things like, “I wish that would’ve NEVER happened”, “If I could do life over again, I would change this, that, or the other thing.”  I also know, based on my own past experiences, that when we are hurt, angry, carry resentments, shame and guilt towards ourselves and others we struggle to grow and see what good comes out of our experiences.

There’s the old saying, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”  I agree with that but it’s so vague.  I would like to add some alternative ways to finish that statement, “That which does not kill us CAN……

…..make us more understanding and non-judgmental.”

…..allow us to become angry.”

…..give us opportunities to help others because we can relate.”

…..cause resentment and bitterness towards others.”

…..change us positively.”

…..impact us negatively.”

How do you view your experiences?  Are they opportunities for growth? Or are they set backs?  Would you choose NOT to go through painful and difficult situations? OR Would you go through the same, all-over again because if you hadn’t, who would you be today?  Is there something that you’ve experienced that maybe needs to be looked at differently?

For me, I do need to look at some of my past experiences differently.  I still have some resentments and anger that I need to work through AND I need to forgive myself for some things to be set free from lingering shame and guilt that I’ve been carrying.

I STRIVE to finish the statement above with this approach, “That which does not kill me changes me positively and gives me an opportunity to help others.”

How would YOU finish it?