Compare

comparing-apples-and-orangesWhy do I do this, COMPARE?  I haven’t written a “long” blog for a couple of weeks now BUT I know that this is what I need to write about.  I know that God is teaching me something here and I thought maybe, just maybe, others could relate to what I’m experiencing.

The last couple of weeks have been emotionally draining for me, WHY? Because of THIS whole comparing thing – UGH!  It’s sticking out like a sore thumb in my life.  Here’s what I’m realizing……….for me, comparing brings feelings of inadequacy, depression, anxiety, fear, and self-pity.  Aren’t these just lovely feelings?!?!?!?  LOL – yuck!

The crazy part is that what I find myself continuing to try to “stack up against” are conditions of the heart, circumstances, and experiences – NOT material possessions.  I know this is getting a little deep, but bare with me as show you where I’m going with this………

Mom.  I should volunteer more compared to some of the other moms at the school.  It seems that other moms are more creative and crafty, scrap-booking, and doing little projects with their kids, I compare myself with other moms wishing I was more creative that way.  I should dress my kids cuter compared to how some of the other moms dress their kids, I wish I liked to shop like other moms.  Other kids are involved with more activities than mine so I compare myself – should I sign the boys up to do more?  Are they not experiencing enough at this age?

Wife.  I wish I was a better cook and more domestic comparing myself to other wives.  Why don’t I enjoy cooking and decorating my home?  I wish I was more like other wives who planned meals and knew how to make their homes feel more “homey” – I compare myself, should I be more domestic?

Friends.  I find myself looking at others’ circle of friends and thinking, I want that!  I compare my life with theirs and wish I was invited more often to social events, parties, concerts, dinners.  They seem to be having so much fun and doing great things – I want that too!  Why don’t I get invitations? I compare myself and ask myself these questions: Is there something wrong with me? Am I not good enough?  Do others not enjoy being with me?

Me.  I’m not passionate enough about what I’m doing compared to others.  My thighs are bigger compared to that girls.  I can’t do my hair well compared to that person’s hair, I wish I knew how to style my hair better.  I’ve got no style with my clothes compared to others, I wish I could put together outfits like her.  That woman is smarter compared to me – I wish I knew it like she did.

Do you ever find yourself thinking some of those thoughts?  Do you ever compare yourself, experiences, situations, to others and feel similar feelings like I do?  Inadequacy, depression, anxiety, fear, and self-pity?

I could list many more “comparing thoughts” that race through my mind from time to time.  And after sharing this with a couple of friends, I’ve found that I’m not alone.  Is this human nature?  Maybe it is, but I’m starting to change my focus…….start shining the light on what God has given ME!  Appreciate the gifts and talents in others, but focus on the strengths that I’ve been blessed with.  I was reminded the other day of the story in the Bible about the 3 servants who were given talents.  One was given 5, one 2, and the other 1.  I NEVER want to be like the servant who was given 1 talent, what did he do?  Out of fear, he did nothing – he was comparing himself and as a result paralyzed.

I am so grateful that my eyes have been opened to this area in my life that needs work.  I’m burnt out of the feelings that come with “comparison”.  I will do my best to keep shining the light on my talents and learn to appreciate the uniqueness and gifts that I see in others instead of comparing and wishing I am something that I’m not.

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Comments

  1. Alicia says:

    Teri

    I hear you. I have been right where you are. I guess I just finally had to let go of some things. I DO enjoy doing little crafts with my younger kids. I don’t like to keep house and cook though. They realize that I am a domestic goddess. My oldest son, age 18, told me one time when I was lamenting my faults, “If you were any different, you wouldn’t be my mom.” My husband, David, has told me that he prefers that I spend time with him and the kids rather than make dinner from scratch every night. We play games together and throw a pizza in the oven. Everyone is happy – as a bonus, my teenagers are learning to cook and will rotate off cooking sometimes… AND when I cook a meal from scratch – it’s considered special and appreciated instead of expected and taken for granted.

    I have four kids. Volunteering at each school (3 different schools next year) is simply not an option. I also work from home. I am a web designer. I feel like it is important that my kids see me working – and enjoying it. I want them to know that there is satisfaction in that. I don’t get to volunteer at the school much, but I don’t feel guilty about it.

    God made us who we are. God loves us. We each have our unique flair that we bring to life. We will never be what someone else is. If you are trying to be someone else, you are a poor imitation of the you that God made you to be.

  2. Sharon says:

    Thanks for your writing. I feel all the same things you do. It is so funny that we don’t even think that others feel like that. I feel I just have to get in touch with my true value and really value myself. Thanks for being open.

  3. Jill Schaefer says:

    If you get a chance, take the gifts assessment test to see your spiritual gifts!
    go to http://www.hosannalc.org and click on serve. The assessment is the last option under that link. It only takes about 15 minutes and your results are immediately given to you.

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